Entitlements

G'day.

We all know someone out there in the community who has is doing it tough despite working hard all their life and thought "I'd like to do something for them for once. Throw them a party or give them a trip overseas." Maybe it's your pastor or a doctor or maybe even your mother.

There are some Australians who have worked hard for themselves all their lives. People like Gina Reinhardt and Rupert Murdoch. Make no mistake, through no fault of their own they are doing it tough now. Despite their efforts the price of iron is falling along with newspaper circulation figures. This is when we, as a community, can step in and lend a hand.

That's why this government, on behalf of all Australians, is determined to reduce the burden on these heavy lifters of the nation through reduced taxes and broad ranged financial and legislative assistance packages. It's part of our plan to ensure a prosperous future for these great Australians.

Yours uncharacteristically truthfully,

Tones.

True democracy

It is time that all Australians woke up to the fact that this country is facing a economic catastrophe of epic proportions and that the fault lies entirely with the Labor Party and the Greens. Time and time again they are voted into power leading to disaster for Australia.

That Australians keep making the same mistake of not ensuring that the Coalition remains in power is evidence that democracy in this country is flawed. The sooner that Mr Abbott is made leader for life the sooner we can enshrine a true democracy based upon the marketplace, where corporations and individuals can bid for policies based upon their financial contributions.

Labour reforms for a prosperous Australia

It is our opinion that the Commission of Audit's proposed changes to the minimum wage and unemployment benefits do not go far enough and that further measures must be taken to address Australia's decline in productivity and international competitiveness. It is high time that Australia introduced the concept of indentured labour into its employment options.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

We propose that Australians who have been unemployed for a period of six months or more without a an alternative source of sufficient income be sold via a bidding process to an employer. The employer is then responsible for the food, housing, training and welfare of the worker, thus absolving the government and the taxpayer of any further costs to support the worker.

In return the worker will be required to supply labour and services to whatever task the employer requires of them.

This service would also be extended to debtors who could agree to a position of indentured servitude to the holder of the debt in exchange for the cancellation of the outstanding debt.

It is well known that unemployment can be a multi generational affliction with the children of the unemployed not learning the benefits of hard work from their parents. For this reason the government should strongly consider extending the indentured service of parents to their families as well, ensuring that their children learn the value of work from a young age.

The benefits of this program are vast should it be taken up in its entirety. By transferring the responsibility for the welfare of the unemployed and those who cannot pay their own way on to private industry the government can eliminate their huge outlays on welfare benefits, low cost housing, public health and education. Whole departments can be dissolved and services privatised with enormous cost benefits to taxpayers.

For the private industries that employ indentured labour the benefits are similarly huge. Australian companies will finally have access to a workforce that is globally competitive and free of productivity damaging regulation. As an example of what can be achieved with the power of indentured labour one need look no further than the radical development of Dubai and the Emirates as a global powerhouse.

Companies will be have the flexibility to deploy their workforce as required and marketplaces will develop to allow trade in indentured contracts. We recommend minimal government regulation of the marketplace as we believe that market forces will quickly determine the optimal levels of service required to incentivise indentured workers to provide maximal productivity.

For example, we envisage that some organisations may wish to pay indentured workers based on their individual productivity so that they can purchase their way out of their contracts after a sufficient number of years of service. Other benefits, like access to better housing, health services or education, may also be offered as a means of motivation.

Highly productive workers will become valuable for the organisations that own them as they will be able to be traded in the indentured marketplace for higher sums.

Naturally, it will be necessary to remove the right to vote from indentured workers similar to those serving a prison sentence of three or more years. Furthermore, penalties will need to be enacted to punish indentured workers who refuse to provide an adequate level of service to their employers. Responsibility for enforcing these sanctions should be the domain of the employer and could include forms of corporal punishment.

We believe that indentured labour is the foundation that is needed for a prosperous future Australia and we urge the government to speed its introduction into Australia as a matter of urgency.

The Lego Movie is the work of Satan

The coming of the Antichrist?

The Lego Movie isn't just teaching our children to hate business but corrupting their souls as well with a message antithetical to the teachings of the Bible. In the movie we have the "hero" Emmett Brickowski following the instructions handed down by his creator. All the creator wants is to ensure the perfection of his vision for the Universe its people. Emmett is blissfully happy until a woman named Wyldstyle tempts him away from the true path of perfection. Eventually Emmett denies the creator's vision and instead embarks in the hubris of belief that he can equal the creator's vision himself, encouraging others to do the same.

If this ins't a flat out denial of the teachings in Genesis then I don't know what is. By allowing your children to view this movie then you are condemning them to sin. It should be boycotted at all cost.

Toys Agender

It's not enough just to market toys as gender neutral to avoid stereotyping. The toys themselves must cross the gender barrier. Experience shows that boys and girls tend to gravitate towards certain types of toys no matter what their upbringing, but by combining their modes of play we can bring both together.

Take the dolls house, that picture of domesticity in miniature. Normally we might find little Maddyson's dolls happily baking cakes in the kitchen, but with the simple addition of Ninja traps and a samurai sword above the fireplace her brother Justeece's dolls will be putting down their beers next to the sofa in front of the television and be fighting off a bikie home invasion beside her in no time.

Fowbia will be sure to join in  Roofuss' toy soldiers game when she discover's Army HQ is equipped with a complete wardrobe of uniforms, including one for the post battle fairy princess ball.

Pretty In Pink Darlene Vader, because the Dark Side of the Force is for everyone.

Assault rifle accessories for Barbie. It's important for boys to understand women are part of the military now.

Simple changes such as these will help children break down gender stereotypes and help ensure that the next generation grows up in a post feminist gender equal society.

Lord of the Rings: The Sequel

We left the Return of the King with many of the main characters sailing towards the lands to the west of Middle Earth. The movie opens with them being intercepted by a customs vessel and taken to a tropical island.

Legolas and Gimli enter the immigration office.

Immigration officer: "You two aren't married are you?"

Legolas & Gimli: "No!"

Legolas: "I am married to the fair Miranda who tarries on your shores."

Officer: "Blonde, white and married to model. Legless, did you say your name was? I reckon you'll fit in around Bondi Beach with the rest of your kind. Go through."

Officer: "And you shorty? Why're you here?"

Gimli: "I am a dwarf."

Officer: "Righto, off to the mines in the far western lands for you."

Frodo and Gandalf arrive.

Officer: "More bloody Kiwis. Look Gandalf, you know our laws are more ancient here. We don't recognise your types' partnerships. It's just you and your staff, y'hear? Okay, ya pansy, go through."

Officer: "And you Frodo Baggins, is it?"

Frodo: "You know sir that you must let me pass, for our lands have a special arrangement."

Officer: "Not so fast mate. The rules are different for criminals."

Frodo: "I am not a criminal!"

Officer: "A Mr Smeagol would like to disagree with you. He claims that you stole his precious."

Frodo: "It was not his to begin with!"

Officer: "Yes, well a certain ex resident of these lands, a Mr Sauron, agrees with you there. But receiving a stolen good is indeed a crime in itself. Give me a good reason not to cancel your visa now."

Frodo: "I saved the people of Middle Earth from a lifetime of servitude to evil."

Officer: "That's not how Gina sees it. It's okay for your hippy Council of Elrond to go around with your talk of freedom and fairness for all, but the Business Council here supports Work Choices. Visa denied!"

And so it came to pass that Frodo was sent to Villawood, which was like Mirkwood, only darker still, and there he began a new quest, one that would take him on a quest across the world to Sweden and London while the forces of the great darkness try to prevent him from reaching Ecuador.

Jesus enter me

Waking to the cock's crow
My love for you begins to flow
Jesus enter me

I know you are there
Take me anywhere
Jesus enter me

Juices of thine
Flow like white wine
Jesus enter me

When you come
I am struck dumb
Jesus enter me

Naked are my feelings to see
When I feel your love surround me
Swimming in your golden glory
Then you know my passion for thee

My soul you save
Though you need a shave
Jesus enter me

My arse is sore
But I want you more
Jesus enter me

Jesus I have to say
I really think you're...